Remain standing
by XXinsidemymindXX
Summary: When your whole world is falling apart and the ground have been pulled away from under your feet, where will you find a place where you can remain standing? A small epilogue to my other fic Blue Tears: Gray returns Fairy Tail, a place he once called home in search for redemption and peace. Even though it is designed as an epilogue you don't have to read the first to understand.
1. Chapter 1

_When your whole world is falling apart and the ground has been pulled out from under your feet, where will you find a place where you can remain standing?_

**A small sequel/epilogue to my other fic Blue Tears: Gray returns to Fairy Tail, a place he once called home, in search for redemption and peace.**

**I have**** Goatgod ****to thank for the inspiration to this little epilogue, I started thinking about what would make Gay return Fiore and Fairy Tail after being given a review that requested just that. Even though it is designed as an epilogue you don't have to read the first but it might make you understand Gray's feelings expressed in this small sequel a bit more.**

**I hope you like it :) and if you have the time, a small note to let me know what you thought is always appreciated; I love constructive criticism to improve my writing!**

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They did catch people's attention; there was no doubt about it. After all, it is not often you see a good-looking man walking down the street of Magnolia carrying an infant in a cloth wrapped around his chest and gently leading a toddler, walking next to him holding his hand. Week old raven-black stubble framed a cold face. His hair, the same raven colour as the stubble was being held back in a short ponytail. He was dressed in a pair of loosely fitted black pants and a white buttoned shirt, and if you looked closely enough you could see two silver pendants dangling from his neck, one in the shape of a crucifix, sparkling occasionally in the sunlight as he walked down the boulevard. The other pendant was the type you put a miniature photograph in of someone you hold dear.

The toddler accompanying him had royal blue hair tucked into two small butterfly tassels, which almost reached her tiny shoulders and she was wearing a knee-length, light-blue dress. If one ventured to guess they would probably have guessed the young man's age to somewhere around mid to late twenties and the young girl walking next to him could not have been older than three, at the most, judging by her height and still slightly wobbly balance while walking. Moreover, even though the unusual trio was obviously not local they did not, oddly enough; seem to carry any luggage with them except for a small doll which the toddler held in her free had and a small brown shoulder-bag that bounced lightly against the man's slim hip when he moved.

The trio slowly worked their way through town, ignoring the stares and the whispers. Although the little girl took every chance she got too look around with wide, fascinated eyes her companion kept his eyes on his feet, seemingly lost in deep thoughts. The only time he looked up was when the little girl stumbled on a small bump in the road. He proved his quick reflexes by catching her small body in the middle of the air and gently helping her to regain her balance. If you were close enough you could hear him quietly asking her:

"How are you my little doll, getting tired? Want to ride on daddy's shoulder for a while? We don't have much left now."

The grown man smiled warmly at his daughter, who instantly took him up on his offer and pulled on his shirt with her small hand in an eager demand for the grown man to lower himself so that she could climb up on his back. An order he willingly obeyed and once the little girl had settled on his back she yawned and let her head rest against his muscular back, soon rocked to sleep by his rhythmic movements as he sighed quietly to himself and once again resumed the trip.

They were almost there…

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The intro has now been proof read and edited by the amazing '**The Evil Stick'** and then reuploaded on the 29/06/14, Arigato gozaimash!

Furthermore, if you want to read well written, outrageous, raunchy comedies that stays true to the wonderful FT characters we all love read 'its' stories: you won't get disappointed : D


	2. Chapter 2

When Lucy heard the old gate that led into the guildhall creak in protest of being opened she looked up to see who might be entering, Erza was not expected home for a couple of days and Natsu had just left that morning on another S-class mission together with Lisanna and Happy. The three of them had been going on more and more missions lately, especially since Lucy had become too big to join them.

When a young man walked in through the door and stopped in the entrance to look around she almost forgot to breath, for a second she could have sworn that the infamous Ice demon-slayer Silver had stepped into their domains. She calmed down quickly though, even though this strange man shared a remarkable similarity to the Demon, this guy was a lot younger, maybe late twenties if she would venture to guess and he wore different clothes. Furthermore he was carrying an infant in a sling across his chest and when he turned around slightly to get a closer look at the guildhall Lucy also noticed that he also had a toddler piggyback riding on his back, sound asleep. The Silver she had known didn't share much love or attention towards human children.

The odd trio's entrance had caught the attention of more than her, and lots of curious eyes followed them as the young man stood in the entrance, almost as if he did not knew what to do. Then he laid eyes on Lucy and Mirajane and smiled while he made his way to them. That smile… Lucy could have sworn she had seen it somewhere, a long time ago… and then it suddenly hit her:

"O my lord it's Gray! Gray you have returned to us!" Lucy shouted out loud, causing havoc in the entire guild: everybody who had known him all those years ago rushed forward to greet their long-lost friend.

"WELCOME HOME MY FRIEND!"

"Where have you been?"

"Where is Juvia?"

"Welcome home!"

"Is this your children?"

"THAT'S A MAN!"

"It's good to see you again mate."

"May I hold her for you? Or is it a him maybe? You look tired, I will bring you something to eat and then we want to hear all about your journeys Gray."

The last comment came from Mirajane and Gray gratefully took her up on the offer. "It's a her, and thank you Mirajane that sounds great. It has been a long time since I have tasted your lovely cooking." He smiled and handed the baby over to her waiting arms before sitting down by the nearest table.

The toddler had woken up from her nap on his back from all the noise and demanded to be put down on the ground. Although when Gray followed her commands the crowding and all the noises of the adults surrounding her seemed to overwhelm her a bit so she quickly crawled up into his lap again, hiding her head in the fabric of his white shirt…

"It's okay my little doll, these are all old friends of your dad and they are very nice people, I promise." He whispered quietly but let her be for now; there would be time for introductions later, when she had calmed down a bit.

That made the rest of the big group ease up a bit, they had not meant to scare the toddler, and so they backed off a bit to give her some space.

Lucy who had been pushed away from the centre of the group by eager mages who came to greet their long-lost friend took this opportunity to manoeuvre her gigantic body forwards again, she walked over to where Gray and the toddler where sitting and gave her old team-mate a warm hug, well at least as much as she reached around him. Being eight months pregnant with twins had its ups and downs. Not being able to put on socks in the morning by herself being one of the more annoying ones…

Gray hugged his old friend back and smiled faintly "It's good to see you again Lucy, and with child I see, congratulations! flame-brain's?" He enquired and Lucy nodded smiling, she had almost forgotten the old unofficial nicknames the two rivals had given each other.

Gray looked around the huge room to observe his surroundings "Lots of new faces I see." He commented absently and Lucy nodded in agreement.

"Much has happened since you left Gray. Mira-san and Laxus has a daughter of 6, she is a fierce little girl, her name is Ayula." Lucy smiled and continued "Gajeel and Levy got married last year and Master Makarov retired three winters ago with Erza replacing him as the new guild master. She will be back in a couple of days and will be very excited to see you and the girls, If I know Mirajane right she has already sent her a message." Lucy told him and then focused on the toddler in his lap:

"Hi sweetie, I'm Lucy, I am a friend of your father and I have known him for many years, what's your name?" The blonde celestial spirit mages enquired the little girl after kneeling, slightly awkwardly, down so that she could look her in the eyes, however the little girl turned bright red and quickly hid her head in her father's shirt from which she had previously peeked out.

Gray smiled at his daughter when she looked up at him questioningly and reassured her that it was alright, "Auntie Lucy is kind and you should answer her properly." Navy blue eyes looked a bit sceptical but decided that he probably at least sort of knew what he was talking about, so she stepped forward, left her father's lap and her hiding-spot and stretched out her small chubby fingers in a very official handshake.

"I am Isa Fubusta' I am two years, many fingers." The little girl informed Lucy and held one hand up in the air to signal that she was 2 years and five months old. When she was done with the introduction she quickly left the company, she had noticed something much more interesting than speaking to old people; she had caught the whiff of apple-pie!

Gray smiled as he followed his precious daughter's every step until she disappeared into the kitchen, and only after he had found Mirajane's eyes and she had nodded reassuringly that she would look after the little girl for him for a while, he turned his attention to Lucy again.

"Actually, she is two years and this many fingers" he said in a childish voice and held up all ten of them before continuing: "We just have not quite gotten the hang of the amount of hands required yet. And her real name is Lisa, pronouncing the letter L is a tad bit tricky still." He explained scratching the back of his head and smiling a crooked smile that did not quite reached his eyes. Lucy laughed at his pathetic attempt at imitating his daughter and sat down next to him.

"It is really good to see you again Gray, how many years have it been now?"

"Nine, nine years it's been." He said and smiled that crooked smile again, there was sadness behind that smile that she could only venture to guess its origin off. He put his elbow up on the wooden table and wearily rubbed tired eyes, wishing he could sleep the tiredness that seemed too have seeped into the marrow of his bones away. He also knew however, that as soon as he closed his eyes he would find himself drowning in bloody images of her. Her terrified eyes haunted him in his sleep, forcing him to relive those last dreadful hours he desperately wished he could forget over and over again.

Lucy quietly observed the exhausted man in front of her, he didn't have much in common with the sometimes childish boy she had waved goodbye to by the border of Fiore all those years ago. No this was a full-grown man: where there once had been a slim, muscular boyish frame, broader shoulders and a wider chest now resided. A dark, scruffy beard that covered a sharp, angular jawline had replaced smooth childish cheeks. No Gray was not a boy any more, but so was none of them, they had all grown up Lucy thought to herself. What separated Gray from his old friends at Fairy Tail was the deep despair that shined through his eyes and the slightly haunted look on his face. It reminded her of the anguish she had found in his eyes when he thought that he would never see Juvia again all those years ago, and her heart ached. She had wished and prayed that he would never have to experience any more despair, he had been through more than enough for ten lives, at least in Lucy's opinion.

The Celestial mage got pulled out of her reflections of the unfairness of life by Gray himself, after sitting completely still for a minute or so, staring into the floor he looked up again, straight into her own eyes and uttered a sentence so empty and full of despair that Lucy's heart broke completely:

"She died Lucy."

"Oh Gray I am so sorry for your loss." Lucy responded and hugged her old friend again. Holding him tightly even though he made no attempt to answer the embrace, he just sat there, arms hanging down along his sides and staring into the wall. He then swallowed and continued.

"Childbirth, she died in childbirth. There was something wrong with how the baby was laying, they could not get it out and it was dying inside of her. There was so much blood, everywhere. And she begged them to save her baby, I think she knew wasn't going to make it so she ordered them so save the baby but she didn't want to die, she wanted to live, I could see it in her eyes and I could do fuck all to help her." He freed himself from her embraced in order to once again rub his eyes, leaving red marks which served as evidence about how rough he felt before continuing his private monologue "

Why do we have magic if we are powerless to save the ones we love? She wanted to live, I know she did."

"How long ago?" Lucy quietly asked.

Gray lifted his dark eyes to meet her warm brown ones when he spoke and answered her absently: "I dunno, maybe two weeks? We held the funeral about a week ago and after that I left, been walking ever since. Nothing left for me or the girls in Fayinla anymore." Gray continued his explanation but was interrupted when a bowl of hot stew was put in front of him by a smiling Mirajane; he looked up and smiled warmly at the caring barmaid.

"This smells heavenly Mirajane, thank you so much, is Lisa causing you any trouble in there?" He enquired, looking towards the kitchen in an attempt to try to locate his daughter through the open door.

"No she is a darling, helping me making another apple-pie, apparently that is someone's absolute favourite." Mirajane smiled reassuringly before continuing: "I have fed the little girl too; she woke up not long ago, would you like me to bring her to you?"

"Uh, no you two seem to enjoy each other's company, she can stay with you for now." Gray answered indifferently before focusing on the hot stew in front of him and therefore missing the worried looks exchanged between Lucy and Mirajane. Gray didn't seem to care at all what was happening to his youngest daughter, something was not right here…

"Oki, no problem, I have asked Lisanna to help me prepare a room for you and the girls for now as well, it should be ready soon if you wanted to lay down for a bit, you look tired Gray." At the thought of sleep Gray however twitched slightly, and even though he tried to hide it both Lucy and Mirajane noted the haunted look that adorned his weary face before he regained control of his facial expressions once again.

"Thank you so much for your kindness Mirajane, I am very grateful for all your help." He smiled and Mirajane smiled back before returning to the kitchen to let him eat in peace. Mirajane, the whole guild's warm and caring big sister, had automatically extended her thoughtful disposition towards Gray and his family, but she walked away with an uneasy feeling. It nagged her as she walked back into the kitchen and not until she picked up the infant again she realised its origin, Gray had never mentioned her name and had not enquired about her at all, only about the whereabouts of her older sister…

In that moment the old guild master Makarov Dreyar entered the building. Even though he had retired a few years ago after his health had finally caught up with his age he still liked to pop in to visit the guild regularly, to see what mischief "his brats" were up.

Gray glanced up towards the entrance when the huge gate creaked and when noticing who entered he lit up; he had looked forward to meeting the old man again. Gray noticed quite a few more wrinkles than he remembered and the old man had apparently taken up the fashion of using a walking stick for assistance with his mobility but otherwise he looked exactly as Gray remembered, dressed in orange pants, a jacket and a two-tailed jester's hat to match.

Gray stood up, leaving a forgotten, half eaten stew and walked towards the old man to meet him half way through the guild hall. The elderly man's eyes filled with tears when he recognised his long-lost 'son' and it was an emotional reunion between old friends. A few eyebrows were raised among the newer members in regards to this open display of feelings and they mumbled between themselves. Just who was this guy who could cause such havoc among the older members just by entering the building? They all knew that the old master cared for his fellow members but they had never seen the old man so openly exhibiting such deep emotions. They observed the younger man gently leading the old master to the table he had previously been sitting by and helping him sit down before placing himself next to Lucy Heartfilia again and they heard the two men exchange warm greeting phrases while doing so.

Gray explained that he had come home and that he had brought two daughters with him but avoided mentioning anything about Juvia. When Makarov heard about the daughters his eyes lit up and the air surronding the old man mysteriously started to sparkle. Gray nodded proudly and stood up with the intention on bringing his daughters to Makarov so that he could meet them.

However, when Gray stood up again to return the plate and bring his daughters back from the kitchen, he suddenly felt extremely light-headed, he could feel his head spin and the whole world seemed to tilt to the side as he quickly sat down again to avoid a close encounter with the cold stone floor.

"Boy, you need to lie down before you fall down, what will your daughters think of seeing their dad like this? When was the last time you had some sleep?" Makarov commented dryly.

"Yes master." Gray responded out of old habit and wearily rubbed tired eyes. Even though he by no definition could be considered a boy anymore he didn't mind the prefix, the old man Makarov would always be like a second father to him as well as his guild master. He yawned and decided that some sleep would do him good; he would probably feel better in the morning, hoping inside that he would be blessed with a nightmare free night. He nodded goodbye to his friends and went upstairs in search for somewhere to crash. Even though the guild had grown he found that it was not very hard for him to find his way around the halls he had spent so much time in as a kid. This will be good for them he thought to himself, they will be surrounded by people who love them and have a happy upbringing here, just like he had a long time ago.

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**Middle of the night**

"Where do you think you are going?"

Gray stiffened at the unexpected sound, that voice… it could not be…

He turned around swallowing nervously, "Erza, it's good to see you again" he said as he located the exits quickly and measured his chances of getting out of this alive and with all his limbs intact. It didn't look good…

"Don't you dare 'good to see you again' me Gray… explain yourself, I got home early because Mirajane sent a message that you had returned home and I find you trying to leave the guild in the middle of the night, what is the meaning of this?" Erza Scarlet, the 7th master of the mages guild Fairy Tail enquired, and it was clear that she was not going to budge until she had received an answer that satisfied.

Gray was momentarily saved by an old door being opened and a sleepy Lucy popping her head out.

"Lucy, what are you doing here?" Gray wondered perplexed and Erza filled in:

"Yes should you not be sleeping in your own house? It is not good for a pregnant woman to be running around in the middle of the night." The guild master scolded her guild member and long-time friend.

"Mirajane and I agreed that one of us should stay here in case Gray needed a hand with the baby, and since little Ayula was having a cold we decided that I should stay." Lucy explained in a sleepy voice while peeping out through the door frame. "Welcome back Erza, I didn't knew you would be home already." She continued after pausing for a yawn and stretching her bulky body.

"I was not, I came home early when I heard that Gray was back but when I walked down the hallway to my room I find him trying to sneak away undetected, why exactly is that now again Gray?" she turned her death glare towards the Ice Make mage that has silently tried to disappear through the window: a combined scolding from the two powerful female mages was not something to be taken lightly and definitely something avoid if possible, he had hoped that they would be too occupied with each other to notice his absence.

He was wrong…

When both turned their attention towards him he sweat dropped and hoped for a lightning bolt to strike him or something similar, it would be a more humane way to die…

"What do you have to say for yourself?" The question came from Lucy and it bore promises of endless pain and misery with it if he presented her with the wrong answer.

"Eh I... I was just going to…." He stumbled but was soon interrupted:

"You were going to sneak away in the middle of the night weren't you? Not even waiting until I got home." Erza finished the sentence for him, emitting a dark aura that would make the strongest man shiver in fear.

Gray however, was not afraid of his old nakama anymore. After all fear is only for those that have something to live for… instead he snapped: how dare she come here and boss him around and asking personal questions about his actions, she had no fucking idea and no right to do so.

"You don't understand" He raged. "You have no fucking idea. I see her everywhere, in everything, especially in that kid's eyes. I can't stay here, I have to go, and they will have a happier live without me. I am nothing but the useless asshole that couldn't even save their moth…"

*Smack*

Gray was stopped in the middle of his frantic harangue by a furious Lucy who had slapped him so hard on the cheek that he fell backwards and un-ceremonially crashed into the wall behind him.

"Now you shut up and listen to me mister. Firstly, 'that kid' is your daughter, the daughter of your beloved Juvia, and if I understand it correctly you have not even bothered to give her a name yet? I understand that you are hurting, I cannot even begin to comprehend what you are going through, If Natsu were to… but that doesn't change the fact you have two small children who depend on you, they need their dad. You grew up without a family, think of all those times you where lonely and missed them. Will you really put your own children through that? They have already lost their mother. Don't let them lose their father too by being a coward and running away from your grief in the middle of the night. Nothing good will come out of that." Lucy finished her lecture and sat down next to her old friend.

Gray felt like every word she had uttered was another slap in the face and when she finally finished he had no strength left to keep fighting. His shoulders had sunk during her speech and treacherous tears burned just behind red eyelids.

"But Lucy… I can't even stand to look at her; she has the same eyes as Juvia. If it wasn't for her, my Juvia would still be here, Lisa would still have a mother. Don't you understand? I just can't stay; it's not fair to either on them." He uttered quietly, leaning his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands.

He felt like giving up and end it right there and then, he could not take it any longer, everyone he had ever loved was gone, because of him. He was falling and it felt like he was losing grip of reality, how do one get up after their whole world had fallen apart around them and how could he remain standing when he could not even picture himself making it through the night? He had come to Fairy tail with the sole intention of leaving his daughters in the hands of people he knew would take good care of them and love them in a way he felt he was incapable of. He had planned to send money every month for their keep but otherwise disappear from their lives completely so that he may give them a happy life and in that way redeem his heavy sins.

What he had not planned for was to be stopped halfway through by two very strong-willed and currently extremely pissed of old friends who did not agree with his plan at all.

Lucy sighed, her previous anger swept away by this painful honesty. Gray had always dealt with grief through anger and revenge and this time, when there was no villain to defeat or monster to slay he had no clue as how to vent his grief and in his despair he had made an enemy of an innocent child, simply to be able to put the blame on something and cope with the burden that way…

Erza sat down next to her childhood friend and took his hands, moving them away from his face so that she could look him in the eyes when she spoke. "Gray, I have known you since we were both small children. We have fought together and we have shed tears together and I know you are hurting. But nothing will be better from you leaving your nakama. You are strong, you will see the light again, we will help you. We are all here and we won't let you go. It is that simple." She finished and moved so that she could hug him closely. Gray accepted the hug, firstly just sitting there and letting her hug him but soon leaning into her metal-cladded embrace. The cold metal felt oddly comforting against his bare skin. Wait, bare skin? Hum… he just noticed in that moment that he must have removed his shirt at some point during the discussion and unsurprisingly the simple piece of clothing were nowhere to be found…

"Daddy leaving? Like mommy?" a small tear-filled voice interrupted the quiet moment. It originated from the bedroom where Gray and his daughters had slept, and when the three adults turned around they found a small figure, barely tall enough to reach the handle of the door, peeping out from behind an almost closed door. She looked devastated and big tears fell down on cheeks still rosy from sleep as she looked at her father that had betrayed her so deeply. He was leaving? The only person she had left in the entire world after mommy had left them both, how could he?

"Lisa, I didn't mean to… please wait for me." Gray got up on his feet and hurried after his daughter that ran back into the room and hid underneath the bed.

Erza stopped Lucy in her first step to follow the small family by reaching out a metal-cladded fist in the celestial mage's way.

"Just give them a moment. I do not think there is a risk anymore that Gray will try to leave tonight, let's give them some space and we will speak tomorrow." She explained before continuing. "Now you are going back to bed and I do not want to know of any more escapades like this, a pregnant woman should not be up and running around in the middle of the night. If there is anything else I will look after it, understood?" Erza ordered with her signature authoritarian voice, she expected the other woman to obey and Lucy nodded in agreement.

"Yes master. Let's talk tomorrow." She would never admit it but it was getting harder and harder to get out of bed at all, not to mention in the middle of the night while being half asleep still to stop a distraught, grieving ice make mage from making the biggest mistake of his life. She yawned and headed towards the bed she had slept in earlier while wondering what the new day would bring with it.

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**The next morning**

Gray was brusquely awakened by a baby's high-pitched cry in the dawning hours of the day. He realised he must have passed out on the floor sometime during the night while trying to talk his oldest into coming out of her hiding spot under the bed. He noticed something pressing along his side and when he looked down he found the blue-haired toddler curled up against his chest, she must have decided to come out after he had fallen asleep. He hugged her tightly before carefully lifting her up and tucking her into bed once more: she must be exhausted, she barely even batted an eyelid through the whole process, and not even the baby's screaming woke her up.

"Morning my sleepyhead." He whispered and kissed her on the forehead before proceeding to take care of his second daughter. It was always easier when she cried; it was when she was happy and looked up at him with those beautiful blue eyes she had inherited from her mother that he really struggled. He had no clue what to do and he ironically wished that Juvia was here to help him through this, she had always been much better at taking care of their little family than he was… fighting evil mages and monsters, that was more his thing.

He sighed and pulled out a clean nappy, he could wish for the dead to come back and curse his destiny as much as he wanted, the baby's diaper still needed to be changed...

He had to remain standing, if not for himself then for his daughters. They deserved better.

_The end_

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**Ps. an imaginary cookie and lots of respect to the person who can figure out from where I have borrowed and slightly paraphrased a famous quote in this little story…. Can you find it? And can you figure out where it is from?**


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